Rant of Younger Days
From: Mikki Barry (ooblick@unirot.UUCP)
Subject: Re: Name Changing
View: Complete Thread (3 articles)
Original Format
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Date: 1986-09-28 11:18:00 PST
In article <433@unc.unc.UUCP> gauchs@unc.UUCP (Susan E. Gauch) writes:
>I'll probably get flamed for being a married type person posting
>to soc.singles, but what the heck.
I'm married too. But I post to net.singles because it seems that in
a lot of ways, I am far more "single" than some who lack the piece
of paper. Haven't been flamed yet, but if soc.singles really want
me to go away, I will.
>The decision was easy because my number one priority was to have the
>same name as my husband. When we got married, we became members of
>the same family, and I wanted our names to reflect that.
>We could have hyphenated our names, but that seemed like twice the
>work, and then both of us would feel weird instead of one.
Why didn't he change his to yours then?
>I never considered keeping my maiden name. Here's the part that I
>expect flames on.
>I find it confusing when a woman keeps her own name. It gives me
>the same sort of feeling as when a man decides to not wear a
>wedding band. I wonder if there is a lack of true commitment.
I wonder if you can really make such generalizations. And I wonder
what you mean by "true commitment". If I have to give up a part of
myself that a man does not in order to achieve "true commitment",
you can keep it.
As for wedding bands, I feel perfectly committed to my husband without a
"property rights" sign attatched to him (or to me). If either of us want
to wear a wedding band, fine (in fact, I do. I like them). But don't
make the bad assumption that either name changing, or gold rings has
ANYTHING to do with level of commitment.
>In conclusion, I think that every woman/couple has to make their own
>decision, but I thought I'd make an argument on the side of changing -
>it's not always just a sign of trying to conform to society.
It's not? Then why didn't he change his name? Why didn't you both choose
a neutral name? And why are you trying to equate *your* name change with
commitment level?
Yes, it is a personal decision. Frankly, I don't care one way or the
other. But I really resent people trying to measure my marriage by the
fact that I did NOT change my name.
Mikki Barry