Bush Expands Axis of Evil
From Deadbrain
DeadBrain can exclusively reveal today that star 37 Gem – the star most recently determined to have the highest chance of harbouring alien life - has been targeted by US President "Boy" George W Bush as being a key participant in the so-called Axis of Evil.
The star was discovered by Maggie Turnbull of the University of Arizona in Tucson, after many years of searching for a suitable star to research. She eventually homed in on Gem 37 because of a freak similarity between its name and the number of countries President Bush has accused of harbouring terrorists in the last year or so. DeadBrain cornered Secretary of Offence Donald Rumsfeld to find out exactly what prompted the President's claims.
"Yeah, the Pres. had got all the guys together, ya know, and we had a few brewskis and, well, shucks, that damn star was just so damn irritating. I mean, what kind of name is 'Gem 37'. Stupid universe."
DeadBrain tentatively pointed out that he had not actually given a reason for the absurd suggestion that a star was harbouring terrorists or WMDs, at which point we were ejected from Mr Rumsfeld's doorstep.
However, a leaked document from the White House, written by "Boy" George himself, has indicated the two main reasons for the President's decision. Heading the list was "Starsky and Hutch bad show. Me no like stars", closely followed by "Gems pretty". The document went on to indicate that after hours of careful thought, the President came to his current conclusion.
Speaking on the condition that he would remain rich and fat, a loyal White House source attempted to justify the President's argument. "Well, it's true that normally a star can't harbour terrorists and all their icky weapons, but this star has temperatures of several billion degrees – a little bit above our star - and it's a prime place for alien life. Science said so. It's proof that someone is trying to hide something by confusing our infra-red sensors, yeah?"
The White House now plans to lobby the EU for support in sending inspectors to the star to investigate.
The star itself has meanwhile released a statement declaring jihad on the Americans, and was quickly backed up by pledges of support from al-Qaeda. Claims that the statement was faked to give the Americans a reason for attacking were quickly dismissed as "ludicrous".